At some point in my late teens or early twenties – I think it was my college years, I began writing down quotes that spoke to me in an inspirational way. I posted them here and there as reminders to myself. One that keeps resurfacing in my thoughts lately is, “Be Happy For This Moment, This Moment Is Your Life.” I am happy for this moment… I am sitting in the backyard half in the sunshine, half in the shade, my husband’s two dogs lying nearby, a gorgeous view of the creek bottom and mountains where I live, and a recent ping on my phone alerting me of a text from my mom. Being happy in a single moment is easy. Being happy long-term seems impossible. I remember when I was first dating Jake. I told him that I was already a happy person but that he made me REALLY happy. And our years together were happy. Now, I am forced to change my perspective. Happiness comes in moments; it is not everlasting. But I have found that making an effort to be present in each moment also makes it easier to be happy.
Yes, I miss my husband excruciatingly. His absence is a constant that lives in every part of me and every part of my life. But in a single moment, there is also beauty and gratitude… and maybe even something that resemble happiness. Looking forward and imagining life in years to come – life without Jake, is sad and scary and uncertain. But looking at just a moment at a time – an evening walk, a ride through my cows, a dinner with friends -these moments are good. And these moments, strung together, are my life.
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